You will never find what you are looking for when you are looking in the wrong place
This morning as I was making breakfast I was looking for a spatula to flip my egg. I looked in the drawer, couldn’t find it. I looked in the sink I had just filled, couldn’t find it. I looked on the stove, couldn’t find it. Then I looked in the other sink where the frying pans were and there it was.
This episode made me think about how many times we look for things in the wrong places, and some of the choices we make in our lives about the things we do and the people with whom we surround ourselves.
Often when we are looking for a solution to our problems, we look to others for answers, but that is the wrong place. The answer is not there. We need to look inside ourselves for “our” answers, not someone else’s answers. It may be easier to ask others, rather than take the time needed to look inside ourselves, or perhaps we have gotten so used to others making decisions for us that we don’t even know we can look at what we really need.
When we reach out to others, we may find ourselves labelled by them – “Your problem is you are too flighty.” “Your problem is you are too introspective.” “Your problem is you can’t focus on one thing at a time.” “Your problem is…” When we receive the label, we assume it is correct, but this is not true. No one really knows who we are, they are judging us based on their perception of us, which is not the true picture. They see the person we show to the public, but the private person may be someone totally different. The only one who can see that person is ourselves. Sometimes it may take time for us to discover this person because we may have been hiding who we really are from ourselves as well, trying to fit into the world of others.
Think about this the next time you ask someone to help you with a perceived problem about your behaviours, your personality, or any aspect of you. Have they “identified” your problem for you? Have you accepted their judgment? Does it feel “true” to you, or are you uneasy about this label?
Each of us is a unique human being and can not be put into a box that someone else has designed for us. We need to design our own healing space. A space we can go to in our mind and/or physically to become whole again when we feel like we are falling apart. A space that is ours alone. A space we may invite someone in to share, but not to judge.
The next time you are trying to solve a problem, make sure you are looking in the right place – inside of you, not outside.